Reflections : I CONFESS-------------------------Not ...

I CONFESS
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Not often do I admit this ,but when it comes to having a fight with my husband, too many times I dramatize issues and end up blowing things out of proportion.I cry all night long with him snoring next time to me; not because he’s an emotionless beast but because I would be pms’ing or hating myself because nothing fits me anymore,and I’d dig under my nails looking for trouble.It always ends up the same way..me accusing him of being unromantic ,unhelpful ,uncaring ,how I wish he would pamper me like other men do to their wives,or like he used to do long long ago,etc,… any sane guy who hears me would be wondering why the hell I married him in the first place.
He tries to apologize and I keep throwing my fiery cynical remarks at him,so he just goes to bed,snoring immaediately like there’s nothing on his mind.Me on the other hand ,I keep going back and forth to the TV room lying on the couch for a few minutes,taking a magazine to bed and making it a point to flip each page as noisily as possible to wake him up so we can get this thing through and get some sleep ,but would he wake up?no way..when my husband goes to sleep,he goes to sleep.I cry and he hears me but he is not going on that guilt trip ..no way, forget it..so day light comes through the shutters,I get ready for work,get kids ready for school,we barely exchange morning greetings and end up having a long awful day at work..both of us.
I would sometimes send him an sms about how insensitive he is and how bitter I feel...I dream of a few red roses coming through the door with a word of love(like the good old pre-marriage days!!!aaah those were the days!!!)but forget it ..that is long gone.I always find me an excuse to leave early..the headache is killing me and I just can’t seem to be able to get through the day.He comes home,sits next to me,puts his hand on my cheeck or thigh or holds my fingers and always starts with his tenderest voice how he never meant to hurt me, and how he loves me,and how happy he is to have me as his wife,and this is when I realize how cruel I was to him ..tears run down my cheeks immediately ,I know how mean I can be ..I know how insensitive I CAN be ..not him..and so I just enjoy the caring pampering words that I don’t often hear anymore..I indulge my senses in this intense rush of emotions and I can’t help but thank God for having him as my man..Maybe that’s why we had this fight in the first place. When you’ve been married for a few years..love doesn’t fade out but you tend to forget how important it is to share your feelings ,to say them out loud..so to me a casual fight like this every now and then isn’t such a bad thing..a wasted night with no sleep and a wet pillow is worth it..if it always ends this way..so…..
VIVE LA DIFFERENCE!!!