Take a good look at his father/her mother.I have just recently realized how true this is.We grow up to be our parents,no matter how hard we try not to.Every time I scorn my kids I catch myself gazing at my index finger pointed towards them and I remember this line I heard in a movie:When did I grow my mother's finger?The words I say just echo in my ears and take me back to my childhood.All of a sudden I'm on the other side of the finger and and mom or dad are lecturing me about something.Their words are recorded in my mind and I just echo them with no editing.Of the things I hated most as a kid,was how I was made to come to all the conclusions myself,how I was tricked or emotionally blackmailed to realize my mistake,and now I do it all.And I scream and punish then reason and hug and sometimes apologize,but at one point it hits me,this is not me,that's her,my mom,that's her way,and those are her words,and I'm just acting old scenes all over again.I am not complaining though..she has made things much easier for me,both her and dad.They have shown me the way and then let me go.I had a million ways to choose from and I went back and chose their way.Something inside me tells me that its ok,they have raised such great kids,(not me,my brother and sisters),who are this much loving and this much giving,and that assures me that in their footsteps I shall not be lost.
I also watch my husband and his father,watching football or discussing politics or fixing a broken tool,and I am sure my theory is right.He,hubby,is growing up to be his dad.And I can't complain about that,I have a great father in law.But watching them together,and seeing how fatherhood has changed my husband,I realize how there are certain things in life(mostly raising your own kids) that shape the person you really are,and mould you into a modern version of your parent.They act alike,feel alike and think alike.And I love watching them together,I just hope that my kids will always be close to us like both of us are close to our parents.
And to everyone who's about to get married,think carefully,can you really live with a young version of your mother/father in law for the rest of your life?
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i and my wife still don't have kids but have been married for about 4 and half years. even before we get married i was hearing "abook! abook wala ra7 wala ija"
i doubt this will change with kids.
it will not change,jameed,but as you raise them your father's way,maybe a bit more moderately,you ,yourself will see it not only people.And by the way,you're so lucky waiting this long,the freedom never comes back again,but when you do have kids..there's nothing like it!
Salam, very true and very funny.
I vowed I would never threaten my kids with boarding school like my mom did, and last week when I was ranting about their messy room guess what thought popped into my head!
But, thanks be to God, the power to moderate the bad and add to the good of our parents model is available.
yee,kinzi,the boarding school threat is horrible,I remember hearing it once or twice during my childhood and it was very painful.I don't think I will use that one,and tell me about messy rooms,it's driving me crazy!
By the way,kinzi,can u please send me an email so I can have your email address,I want to collect the addresses of those who comment and add them as members so I don't need to meoderate their comments.Thanks.
True...and an interesting post Salam, I was just having an argument with my older brother to a point where I had to change my tone of voice "Shout ya33ni" and emphasize on a point.....and when I did that, we both went into silence and started to laugh, because I used -with out being aware of it- a style and a comment that my dad always used and I just sounded like him, I my self didn’t like it when he told me that comment, yet I used it..then we forgot about the argument and started to discuss this issue...how we are becoming our parents with out knowing or being aware of that, and for me that’s a great thing I wish I can become the man that my dad is.
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never thought so before,but now that you've mentioned it ..very true!
rola