Reflections : The Jordanian Dream, Only Better!

Warning: Long post that took around a month to write.

Turning down this job offer was not an easy thing to do.

In my husband's words, this offer was THE ultimate Jordanian dream; only better!

A government job, with pay from an international organization.

"Think about it," He said jokingly. "Isn't it every jordanian's dream? The stability of a government job, where no one can termintae your employment, where you can leave work on impulse, and get to be called 3otooftek?"

3otoofti did consider it very well indeed. It was a good job afterall. Very Interesting project, not your typical monochromatic government job, a really good salary, and short working hours. This could have been the perfect deal for me, BUT. I'd only started my new job exactly a week earlier. In one week, I had a sense of belonging to this new company, and I thought it would be a better atmosphere for me to work in. It was certainly more demanding than the government one, with longer hours, and a little less salary to start with, but very promising prospects for career and financial developments. I loved all the challenges that this job offered me, especially after the last two years I spent at my old job, which were too...mundane, to say the least. But, I hated working till five in the evening!

During this week, I felt I hardly saw my kids, and while I sympathize with all full time working mothers, I'm just not used to this. I have been working part time for the last eight years, and the increase in working hours was just too much to handle. Government offices work till three and everyone was telling me what a normal thing it is to take daily leaves whenever I needed, the government job paid me more, for the time being, and the project was quite interesting, so why wouldn't I accept? I thought about this for days. I did not sleep for two days in a row. I wanted the job I was in, with the working hours that the other one offered. This current job is in a new field to me; Project Management, I was already enjoying the work, and liked the people in the office, and felt that I fit in with the crowd much sooner than I expected, the pay will probably increase soon, and I felt appreciated, but most importantly, I now know what working here is all about, while the government job's atmosphere was too vague for me.

And I'm a person who hates change.

I hate change so much, that I spent 12 years in the same place. I'd been comfortable, work was convenient, and I had every reason to be content. Then came a time where I felt it's getting a bit too boring. I realized the later I stay, the harder it would get for me to quit. I toyed with the thought for a few months, and waited for the right moment to do it. The straw that cut the camels back did not take long to come, and I quit. It was much easier than I thought. My decision was well thought and happened at the right time, I did not feel the slightest bit of remorse.

Since then, my professional life has taken quite a few roller coaster rides and has cost me a lot of sleepless nights, over decisions that I could not make, none of which to compare with this huge dilemma that I found myself in last month.

Do I leave, do I stay? Do I choose a good job that offered me convenience, or a good job that offered me challenge? I don't mean to sound ungrateful, people would love to be in my shoes, with two good things to choose from, but I was really confused. It was no fun not knowing where I would be soon. Not having a schedule, not having a target, being restless, it was nerve wrecking, but my mind was set at last. I can not afford spending two extra hours away from the kids. It was too much for the whole family to deal with us and I decided: "Hello to the world of being a government employee!"

My husband thought it terribly amusing. Of all the people around me, Samer knows EXCATLY how I feel, and when I am weighing things in my mind, and give him a brief opinion, he knows how I reached this point, how my mind worked, and what sort of factors brought me to this decision. So he felt my confusion, and promised to be supportive in any decision I make. But he still found it amusing. 3otooftek was my new code name! He offered to buy me Cigars for those long field trips behind the driver in these big government cars. He teased me about the famous jordnaian angry-face (kashara), he wanted to know if it will be reserved for working hours or will it be my new trait!

Then came the day where I had to break the news to my new employers, that after one week of work, I was quitting. That was not funny. How do I do this? Yes, there was a three-month grace period, and yes it was only normal to leave during this time, but I felt so awkward doing that, when there was nothing I did not like about this place. Things started easing off the moment I spoke. The two people I had to talk with were extremely nice, which really helped me to think clearly. They understood why anyone in his right mind would go to that new job, and were truly genuine. Most importantly, they made me an offer of shorter work hours, and that did it for me. I immediately knew I wanted to stay. Shorter hours would make my life much easier. I did not negotiate the pay, since it really did not matter as much. Private sector salaries increase substantially more than government sector,at least I doubt they will do like the government person who made me the other offer, when he said: "Oh, you will have an annual increase of 20", and I was like: "That's good, 20% is good!" and he's like: " 20 jds!"

And so I stayed! It's been tiring and demanding, but also challenging and rewarding. I hope it stays like this, but if it doesn't; yeah well, it will only take me twelve more years to make up my mind and quit again!